


A Penny Saved

by brokenhighways



Category: Inception (2010)
Genre: Crack, Don't Examine This Too Closely, Grocery Shopping, M/M, Not Beta Read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-02
Updated: 2013-07-02
Packaged: 2017-12-17 11:58:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/867268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokenhighways/pseuds/brokenhighways
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"What the hell do we need all those tampons for, Arthur? Have you decided to replace that stick up your arse with something softer?" "It's for Philippa, you jackass."</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Penny Saved

**Author's Note:**

> Based on this [prompt](http://inception-kink.livejournal.com/20822.html?thread=51611222#t51611222). Uh. I have no real explanation for this. It's not beta'd so apologies for any mistakes and mysterious tense changes. 
> 
> I don't own Inception etc etc.

It all started a couple of months ago when Arthur broke his leg. Being cooped up for long periods of the day did something funny to his brain and Arthur went from being obsessed with _The Good Wife_ (and something called _The View_ )to amassing several large binders full of coupons. Needless to say, Eames found himself in a constant state of perplexity as he watched Arthur build up his collection of coupons. If anything, he’s to blame. But there was something so disturbing about hearing Arthur rant and rave about those television shows that Eames had suggested he stick to the stack of newspapers and magazines that Nash had brought over. Unfortunately, he’d discovered his first coupon in one and things spiralled out of control.

He considers putting a stop to it, but really, it keeps Arthur quiet and focused, which is a blessing. An injured, restless Arthur is an _unbearable_ Arthur. Also, he didn’t think that Arthur saying, “I found a coupon for two years supply of toilet paper today!” would lead to binders of the bloody things. _Binders_. A brief internet search leads Eames to discover that this whole coupon malarkey is actually a _thing_. Arthur merely remarks that his binders are far better than the ones on the pages that Eames shows him.

 _Oh dear_ , Eames thinks, _I’ve created a monster._

~*~*~*~

When Arthur tells him – _bastard doesn’t even ask_ – that they’re heading to the supermarket to use them, Eames sighs.

“I don’t think this is a good idea,” he announces, fully expecting the dark look that Arthur aims in his direction. “Maybe we should give these vouchers to the less fortunate, hmm?”

“No,” Arthur says. “I spent all of this time clipping them, and organising them so that they’re based on the aisle number of the grocery store. I didn’t hack into the store’s security system and spend _hours_ trying to get past their firewall only to have you tell me that it’s not a good idea.”

Eames’s only response is, “Hours, darling? You’re losing your touch.”

-

It becomes all too apparent when they arrive at the store, that Arthur expects Eames to pick up items off of shelves for him. Eames refuses diligently at first. Until, Arthur goes and ruins it all by threatening to tell Cobb what really happened in Thailand during their third inception job. They’d failed miserably and to this day, Cobb was still looking for someone to blame. Eames did not, under any circumstances, want to have to deal with a whiny Cobb (because he was definitely the one to blame).

So Eames is tasked with following Arthur down the aisles, pushing the shopping trolley, and running around as Arthur holds his binder open and barks out the items.

Eames is fed up within ten minutes, and God give him strength because they’re only on the first fucking binder.

“Where exactly are we going to put all of this stuff?” he asks, as Arthur points at the jumbo back of store brand cornflakes.  “I don’t think our flat has enough room for all of this shit.”

“There’s always your office,” Arthur says distantly.

Eames does not know what he’s done to deserve any of this.

“Do we really need this 72 piece cutlery set?” he asks. “We don’t usually hold any dinner parties.”

“I’m sure I could find some use for the knives,” Arthur replies. Eames glares at him, and when Arthur’s back is turned, he accidentally (on purpose) slams the trolley into him. Arthur calmly flips him the bird and stalks off into the cleaning aisle.

Twenty bottles of bleach, thirty multipacks of sponges, ten boxes of washing powder and two hundred packets of antibacterial wipes later, Eames has become downright snappish. Usually that would be enough to deter anyone from pursuing with whatever is causing his ire, but Arthur isn’t just _anyone_. And while Eames generally loves that, he fucking _detests_ it at this point in time.

During one hopelessly desperate moment, Eames calls Saito, the ridiculously rich, Japanese businessman who usually bankrolls their jobs, and begs him to buy the supermarket.

“Why?” Saito asks suspiciously. “Did you attempt to steal from this place?”

“No,” Eames says and he explains the situation. “Well? Are you going to buy it? And then change the opening times and ban Arthur for life?”

“I’m afraid not,” Saito replies. “I did however purchase the security company. It will be fun to watch this entire coupon debacle unfold.”

“I’m disappointed in you, Saito,” Eames retorts. “I truly am.”

“I think Arthur is trying to get your attention.” Eames turns to find Arthur glaring at him and pointing at the canned beans he’s standing next to.

Saito is going to regret this.

-

“What the hell do we need all these tampons for, Arthur?” Eames says loudly as he refocuses on what Arthur’s up to. “Have you decided to replace that stick up your arse with something softer?" One of the ladies in the aisle giggles, Eames winks at her, purely because he knows that it’ll piss Arthur off even more.

“They’re for Phillippa, you jackass!” Arthur barks in response. Eames does a double take. While this kind of planning ahead might seem normal to someone as bonkers as Arthur, he’s not sure how Cobb will take it when Arthur presents his baby girl with what appears to be a lifetime supply of tampons somewhere down the line. “And, for your information, tampons do not go up people’s as—“

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Eames says, covering his ears _immediately_ because he does not want to hear the rest of that sentence. _Ever._ That then sets off a series of actions that result into the trolley crashing into the deodorant section. Judging by the sickly, sweet smell that hits the air, some of the containers are broken. Eames can’t help wishing that Arthur inhales enough of it to knock himself out.

“We’re supposed to saving costs,” Arthur says dryly. “Not incurring them.”

“Whatever, love,” Eames says cheerily. “I’ll leave you to explain what happened to the store manager, shall I?”

-

“I think I’ll send Nash to do the rest of the binders,” Arthur says tiredly as they’re lining up at the tills. “Cobb’s got a job for us in two days. I need to do research.”

“And what do you plan on doing with all of this?” Eames gestures at the _two_ trolleys’ that are packed to the brim with all of the nonsense that Arthur made him pick up.

“I didn’t plan that far ahead,” Arthur said. “This was a test really.”

“Excuse me?” Eames asks, because his legs are killing him, his head hurts, he’s tired and worst of all, he’s _hungry_ (Arthur, stick in the mud that he is, hadn’t allowed him to open anything until they’d “paid” for it).

“As you know, working in extraction requires stamina, agility and good health,” Arthur says. “I needed a way to test my leg, see if there’s any lasting pain.”

Eames is quite tempted to break Arthur’s other leg.

“When you say, ‘ _didn’t plan far ahead’_ , you really mean _get Nash to sort it out_ don’t you?”

“No,” Arthur says but he quite clearly means _yes_.

“May I remind you that you broke your leg during a bowling trip to increase morale within the team?”

“I’m well aware of that,” Arthur frowns. For someone who is so perceptive, Arthur can be annoyingly oblivious at times.

“And whose ball just happened to be right where you chose to put yourself?”

“Na—oh,” Arthur says, looking surprised momentarily. “I suppose it was payback for making sure he sat out the last day of that job in Mexico, a decision that was completely justified. I don’t know why Cobb insists on us working with him.”

“Should I be jealous of this spat between you and Nash?” Eames asks, because that’s basically how he and Arthur ended up together in the first place. Not that Arthur ever really detested Eames.

“Have I ever deliberately slipped laxatives into your food?”

“Not to my knowledge.”

“Well then, there’s no need for you to be jealous.”

Sometimes Eames wonders if Arthur’s head is screwed on right. He makes Arthur promise to end this feud with Nash once and for all knowing quite well that Arthur will be doing no such thing. And given that this entire coupon situation is indirectly Nash’s fault, Eames decides that he may well need to take matters into his own hands.

~

In the end, Arthur produces 67 coupons and they end up paying $4.95, plus the $300 worth of damage that the trolley has caused. Arthur seems to be pleased with his savings.

His smile only dims when Eames produces one of his fake credit cards to pay for the damage.

 

-

Two days later, as Eames is delivering some of the coupon items to food banks and shelters, he gets a text message from Nash.

_Tell Arthur that I know that it was him who let this fucking SNAKE (OR LIZARD OR WHATEVER THE FUCK THIS THING IS) loose in my apartment._

Followed by one from Arthur.

_The promise I made is now void. Nash has been spreading lies about me on the internet._

Seconds later he gets one from Cobb.

_Eames, why have Nash and Arthur both called me to tell me that they can’t work with the other? I’m going to have to fire Nash. Ugh._

One from Ariadne.

_Cobb’s moping because he had to fire Nash. But whatever, WE NEED TO CELEBRATE!_

And lastly, Yusuf.

_You do realise that snake you let loose in Nash’s flat is poisonous don’t you?_

Eames pockets his phone and smiles to himself.

****

**Author's Note:**

> I seriously contemplated calling this In-coup(ti)on before I came to my senses and got someone else to name it.


End file.
